Don’t take your spouse for granted

Originally published 5/4/2018 on Wordpress

If anyone asked, I would say that I was a model wife and partner. My hubby and I have the best relationship ever! We talk all the time, we co parent our two children beautifully and we have a more than average and healthy sex life. All these are good things, right?

Well yes they are definitely good things but as happens in any relationship after a while you both start to take each other for granted. Things over time start to become routine. So we have date night and we talk but are we really talking? Are we really listening to each other? Is date night something you are doing out of obligation or is it something you are looking forward to and excited about?

I thought I/we were doing all the right things until recently. I have just learned that there is nothing like having another person show some interest in your spouse to make you open your eyes and look at him/her with renewed interest. (As an aside: people with no boundaries when it comes to married people are a whole other topic.)

I guess I have been too cocky and too complacent and comfortable in our relationship. I have been too lazy to continue the romance or going about it way wrong. Luckily, despite my complacency and the lack of boundary by one certain person, he has remained true.

So that got me thinking a lot lately about ways to not get too comfortable in your relationship and take your partner for granted. This is what I have come up with so far.

1- Talk every night. This goes for working and non working spouses. Talk about your day good or bad. I tend to not share the really bad days and he does the same. But talking in this way is really important because everyone needs an outlet. If he/she is not talking to you, they'll eventually talk to someone else who'd listen. Talking should be done without TV or phones on. Just the two of you one on one.

2- Speak your love. Compliment each other often. I don't know anyone who does not like to be told that they look beautiful or handsome or sexy. Notice new outfits, haircut, cologne. Say I love you often in a meaningful way - not just the words but by action- touching, kissing and doing little things for each other.

2- Love notes. Leave a sexy note in their work bag/ purse/ pocket/ lunch bag. Something to show them in the middle of their work day that you had thought about them. This can also be accomplished by sending a sexy text or email during the day.

3- Date night. This is a very important part of every marriage where there are children. Date night is all about you and your partner. You should not talk about kids or work and if you do it should be a quick mention. Talk about weekend plans, talk about future vacation plans. Talk about a book you are reading or movies or the news or pop culture. Talk like friends. This after all is how your relationship first started.

4-Surround yourself. You want to have friendships with other couples in strong healthy marriages. Hang out and double date with them

5- SEX! This is a must in every successful marriage. And should not be confined only to date night.

All the above in addition of course to understanding, honesty, respect, trust and lots of love.

That is all I got folks! Please feel free to add more to this as I am a work in progress and always learning.

Thanks for reading and please leave comments below.

J