Having it all

Originally published 11/29/2018 on Wordpress

Can a woman have it all?

Do you know any woman that has it all?

What does it even mean to have it all?

Well let me break it down for you.

You have it all when you are on top of the world. At the top in your job. You are perfection in all aspects of your life. You are the best mom ever. The best wife. The best friend who never forgets birthdays. You send home baked cookies to school instead of store bought. You never miss school meetings or the kids after school games and activities. You volunteer at school. Your marriage is perfect. You have time for date nights with your spouse. Your home is always clean and organized. You are very good at your job and well respected by your colleagues. You get constant promotions and accolades at work. And… you are home every night to make a home cooked meal for your family.

Wow! This is a lot. I want to be this woman! Is this actually attainable? Do people like this exist?

I honestly think that this is not attainable. And if attained, will never be sustainable.

Hear me out.

A woman who works full time, and is married and has children can have it all but it will not be 100% in all areas. Put another way, a woman can have it all but not all at the same time. It is not humanly possible to give it your all at work and then go home and do the same.

I believe the only way to have it all is if you have help. Help in the form of spouses that pull their weight, nannies, drivers, house cleaners, landscapers, personal assistants. All the stuff that really wealthy people have. In that case then do you really have it all if you are getting help and not doing it yourself.

In my opinion- heck yes!

Having it all to me means that you are present for your children, your spouse, your friends and your job in a way that makes sure none of them feel they are neglected. For this to happen, you have to be okay with having help and you have to be okay with everything not being perfect all the time.

What this means is that, you must learn to prioritize your obligations.

So you can have your marriage be the priority. Or your children. Or friends or the job. But you can’t have it all be a priority all at the same time. You must give up the idea or ideal of perfection as this does not exist. And the stress of trying to do it all is not healthy.

It is okay miss a work deadline from time to time or cancel a meeting, so that you can make it to the kids game or parent teacher conference. And likewise you can arrange for someone else to drive the kids to school or miss a dance or piano recital so you can be the lead lawyer in that big court case.

Cooking every night? Not necessary. It is okay to order food in sometimes so that you spend that extra time you would have been cooking, doing homework with the kids or chatting with your spouse about your respective days.

It is okay to miss one night of helping with homework so you can go to happy hour with girlfriends to celebrate a birthday.

Having it all really requires that you have help. And rich people are not the only ones that can afford help. There are many low cost ways to get help. Instead of driving the kids to and from school yourself or getting a driver, why not car pool with other parents or put them on the school bus.

You can’t afford a house cleaner or landscaper? Make it a family weekend activity and get the whole family to help. Teach your kids early on how to clean their rooms/spaces and how to do their laundry.

Plan out the kids activities and social calendar a month in advance. Try to schedule work meetings around it. If you can’t be there, make sure your spouse is there. If there are grand parents, aunts, uncles, best friend they can also fill in for you. The idea is for the kids to look out at the stands and see a friendly face cheering for them.

I may not be the ‘perfect’ woman described above, but I truly feel that I have it all. I have a career that I love, a good marriage, well adjusted children and great group of friends. I’m I perfect in all of it? Of course not. The goal is balancing my obligations (with help) in a way that none of them suffer.

What are your thoughts? Do you think a woman can have it all?

Please leave your comments below and as always thanks for reading.

J